


When You Least Expect It

by westernredcedar



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alexei is a TROLL, Crack, M/M, Really they don't know how to deal with feelings, So they just swear a lot, poor communication choices, that Kent still finds a turn on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 18:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9338558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westernredcedar/pseuds/westernredcedar
Summary: “Kent Parson, I have proposal for you.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is utter ridiculous crack starring Troll Tater. You are warned.

They are just inside the door of Kent’s condo, pulling on hats and jackets before heading out for dinner. It couldn’t be a more average moment when it happens. Alexei gets very quiet and grabs hold of Kent’s hands. 

“Kent Parson?”

“What?”

Alexei’s big eyes meet Kent’s and Kent has to swallow at the intense look on Alexei’s face. 

“Kent Parson?”

“Yes?”

It’s like Kent’s watching it all happen from afar: their hands interlaced, and Alexei Mashkov slowly sinking to one knee in front of him, and Kent can’t breathe, can’t speak.

“Kent Parson, I have proposal for you.”

They’ve been exclusive for over a year. Kent's madly in love with this idiot Russian oaf, but somehow he’s still blindsided, overwhelmed. There’s been no warning, no discussion. Alexei’s hands grip his tightly. A weird part of Kent’s brain is aware that he’s only got one sleeve of his jacket on. 

“Kent Parson…” voice so serious and soft, “may I...tie your shoelace? Is untied.”

There’s a pause, words echoing in the stupidly large foyer, and Alexei doesn’t break eye contact or crack a smile and Kent is frozen in confusion for a moment until he’s suddenly not, and then every muscle in his entire body releases all at once. 

“You...utter...asshole! You fucking...cocksucking shithead. Oh my god…what the hell!” Kent throws his head back and jumps up and down, even though Alexei is still on one knee, holding Kent’s hands. 

“You not want shoe tied?” Fucking innocent-as-a-baby face and duck lips, until Kent shoves him over onto the tile and straddles him and only avoids punching him in the face by launching a full retaliatory tickle attack, and Alexei finally breaks and starts laughing, his deep, hysterical belly laugh. 

“Don’t fucking do that to me, you ass!” 

“Your face! No, no! Stop! Stop! Surrender. Don’t hurt Alexei! I need all fingers to properly make bow for shoelace!” 

“You’ll be lucky if it’s only your fingers I’m threatening.”

Kent holds Alexei down, and kisses away the last of the crazy surge of adrenaline, and Alexei can't stop snickering throughout. 

“Why do I even bother?” Kent asks.

“Great sex?” Alexei answers. 

They make it to dinner eventually.

*

A few months later, Kent’s just flown in to Providence during a three day break. He’s jet lagged and ready for a few days of nothing but Alexei and bed. He drops his travel bag in the entryway, wanders in, and plops onto the couch.

“Holy fuck, am I happy to be here,” Kent says, tossing off his hat, leaning back and closing his eyes.

“Kent Parson?” Something in Alexei’s voice makes Kent open his eyes. Alexei is standing in the doorway, face serious.

“What?”

Alexei walks slowly to the couch and perches next to Kent with unusual care. He reaches into his pocket and struggles for a moment to remove something. It’s a box. A small, grey, velvet box. The kind of box that holds a…

Kent stares at the box like it has stopped time. 

“Kent Parson? I want to ask you...” Alexei’s huge fingers struggle to pop open the lid, but Kent is too frozen to help. The box opens, and Kent stares at...nothing.

“...what I should do with empty box?”

Kent doesn’t even get mad this time. He just stares at Alexei and his fucking little asshole grin, until he can’t take it anymore and pushes himself up off the couch and heads to the bedroom.

“Don’t talk to me, don’t even look at me. Just get your ass over here and strip, you cretin. It’s been two weeks.”

*

Fool me once, Kent thinks, but now this is war.

He is wandering by a display of greeting cards a week later and on a whim buys an elaborate wedding card, lacy, with layers of crepe paper insets. Inside he writes, _Alexei, This made me think of you-_ , and then on the back finishes the message, _-r sister’s taste in cards. Do you think she’d like it? Kind Regards, Kent_. He mails it off that afternoon. 

Alexei doesn’t ever mention the card, so Kent starts sending him a new one about once a week:

One with a long, rhyming poem about marriage, written in swirly pink text. _Just bought this card to remind you---you are almost out of paper towels. Don’t forget. Kind Regards, Kent_

One embossed with “To my husband” in gold. _Picked this card out specially for you---to use as kindling in your fireplace. Looks very flammable. Kind regards, Kent_

One covered in doves, wedding bells, and sparkles. _Thinking of you---th hockey tournaments. Those are fun! Kind Regards, Kent_

Et cetera.

The next time Kent is able to make it out to Providence, when he walks in the door to Alexei’s house all of the cards he’s sent have been set up in an elaborate display on the mantelpiece, surrounded by pink and white candles. 

“Do you think we should talk about this?” Kent asks later, after they’ve had dinner, and Alexei has lit all of the candles and started a fire in the fireplace with one of the cards, and they still haven’t brought it up.

“We have been. Talking.” Alexei vaguely gestures towards the display. 

“But I don’t know what we are saying,” Kent says.

“Not me either,” says Alexei. “But will know. Sometime.”

It makes weird sense to Kent.

The sex that night is oddly intimate and intense, and Kent thinks that makes weird sense, too.

*

The Falconers come to Vegas in March. Crappy travel schedules mean that the first time Kent sees Alexei is on the ice. _Mashkov_ Kent thinks. It’s easier when he thinks Mashkov. 

It’s a rough game, lots of chirping and hard checks. Zimms spends a long stretch in the sin bin and Kent scores during the powerplay. Everyone is edgy and eager for a fight after that. They are settling down from about the fifth scuffle when Mashkov just barrels into Kent without warning, slamming him into the boards. 

“What the hell, you fucker!” 

As a couple of Falconers pull Alexei away and whistles blare, he blows Kent a kiss and chirps, “Love you too, Parson.”

“Love me, eh?” Kent’s gloves hit the ice, and he can feel someone grabbing his arms as he tries to get into Mashkov’s face. Kent can’t see anything but Alexei’s big eyes fixed on his. 

“Love so much, you marry me, Kent Parson!” Alexei yells over Zimms’ shoulder as he tries to hold him back.

Kent doesn’t stop trying to get to Alexei, and doesn’t break eye contact. “I fucking will, asshole!” 

They both get four minutes. Kent needs about half that time to figure out what just happened, and then the other half to get the crazed smile off his face.


End file.
